- Why don’t other people see me the way I see myself?
- How do I find out what other people really think about me?
- What do people know about me or feel about me that they don’t share with me?
- Why don’t other people sometimes trust me?
- Why do I find it hard to share important information about myself (thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears) with some of the important people in my life?
- How do I tell other people that I don’t like something that they do in a way that doesn’t harm our relationship?
- How do I let other people know who I really am?
- Why don’t I or can’t I tell some people what I really admire about and how I benefit from who they are or what they do?
We must repeatedly answer these questions, for the answers will vary from one relationship to another and from one interpersonal setting to another. For us to successful answer these questions, we must know something about the way in which we disclose information to other people and the way in which we receive feedback from these people. The first four of these questions primarily concern interpersonal feedback, whereas the final four questions are primarily about interpersonal disclosure. There are a couple of other perplexing questions that up the ante a bit with regard to interpersonal intelligence:
- To what extent in this relationship do either of us have much control over how we relate to one another or is it determined primarily by the roles we play?
- What is preventing the two of us from forming a relationship that is more open with regard to both interpersonal disclosure and feedback?
Both of these questions concern the context within which interpersonal relationships take place and the ways in which we interpret our own behavior and the behavior of the other person within this context.
