Home Couples & Family Psychology Child / Adolescent LOVE LINGERS HERE: INTIMATE ENDURING RELATIONSHIPS XVII. PLATE FOUR: CREATING A LEGACY (RAISING CHILDREN OR CONDUCTING PROJECTS)

LOVE LINGERS HERE: INTIMATE ENDURING RELATIONSHIPS XVII. PLATE FOUR: CREATING A LEGACY (RAISING CHILDREN OR CONDUCTING PROJECTS)

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Kathy was not well received by Dave’s two children. They challenged her as a potential mother figure. Dave felt he was not prepared to mediate between Kathy and his children. As a father, he felt a strong obligation to his children. Like many men of his generation, Dave assumed Kathy would adapt easily to the role of mother. Kathy never anticipated the duties of being a mother and resented Dave for imposing this function on her. As a result, Kathy moved out of Dave’s house into her own apartment for a while, precipitating a remarriage and a renegotiated marital contract.

Dave agreed to make other living arrangements for his two children. His son, recently graduated from high school, enlisted in the Navy. His daughter went to live with her mother for her last year of high school. Kathy and Dave could for the first time live alone together. Problems still existed, however, for Kathy and Dave, even though the children were now living elsewhere. The remaining problems concerned finances (as is often the case for couples with children from previous relationships). Kathy believes that Dave’s children are demanding too much money from Dave. They are capable of working for extra money like many teenagers their age. In addition, while Dave is working his late shift as a truck driver, Kathy claims his children spend many late evening hours out partying with the money their father provides them.

Dave listens patiently to Kathy when she expresses her fears that the money is being used for alcohol and drugs. His children, however, claim that Kathy is just trying to ensure that their father keeps all his money for her, and, contrary to her allegations, they are riot spending money on alcohol and drugs. Dave finds himself again caught between his children and wife. A second recontracting and remarriage takes place. Kathy and Dave decide that Dave’s daughter would continue to receive money, however at a fraction of the original amount that Dave provided. Since his son enlisted in the Navy, Kathy believed that he no longer needed financial support from his father. Dave agreed. In addition, Kathy and Dave decided to pool their incomes during this time to pay jointly for the mortgage on the house (which Dave had previously owned with his first wife) and any other expenditures.

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