Home Couples & Family Psychology Developmental LOVE LINGERS HERE: INTIMATE ENDURING RELATIONSHIPS XIV. PLATE ONE: BUILDING A NEST (ESTABLISHING A HOME TOGETHER)

LOVE LINGERS HERE: INTIMATE ENDURING RELATIONSHIPS XIV. PLATE ONE: BUILDING A NEST (ESTABLISHING A HOME TOGETHER)

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The evening before they were to begin car shopping, Conrad’s old car started to make loud noises and they barely got home. The following day, Conrad decided to go to the dealer and order the car they had decided upon for exactly the price they wanted. The dealer, however, could not locate the exact car they wanted anywhere in the vicinity or even in any neighboring states. Apparently, most of these cars come loaded with many extras that Conrad did not want.

In the middle of this frustrating process of Conrad and the dealer locating another car, Luke calmly walked up to the dealer and asked him what kind of deal could he give them “right now” on a fancy display car in the window. Luke’s actions made Conrad furious, since he had done all the research and was determined to have it pay off. After a few minutes, Luke and Conrad started haggling together with the dealer over price and options on the display car. Conrad found that his anger dissipated as the dealer kept throwing in options at no cost. What started out as Conrad’s anger and the need to see his project completed in his own way, turned into a fun game between the two of them. As they worked through pricing and options with the salesman, Luke would ask Conrad if he could “live with and pay for” a particular option. Conrad would respond with an emphatic “no, I don’t want it,” and the dealer would throw in the option at no cost.

As Conrad noted, “the more storms we’ve weathered together, the stronger the relationship has become.” In recent years, Luke and Conrad have also combined both of their incomes as well as their checking and savings accounts. Monetary and material things aren’t as important to them now as they were when Luke and Conrad first met. They now trust each other’s choices, decisions and aesthetic tastes.

At the time of their meeting, Bev had recently ended a four-year relationship and Teresa was gearing up to leave one of just about the same duration. Bev had a house and Teresa moved in. “She had to move into my life,” Bev said, describing how the terms of their relationship were established. Teresa nods: “yeah, your friends, your home Bev: “you acquiesced a lot.” Teresa, laughing: “you weren’t charging me rent!”

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