Love Lingers Here: Intimate Enduring Relationships. X. Forming a Relationship

Love Lingers Here: Intimate Enduring Relationships. X. Forming a Relationship

It was crystal clear to both Dan and Mary that their newfound love met many if not all of their needs. Each pushed all other people and events in their life out of their new love’s consciousness. The conference itself was only dimly remembered. In the words of Dorothy Tennov (1979,p. vii):

I want you. I want you forever, now, yesterday, and always. Above all, I want you to want me. No matter where I am or what I am doing, I am not safe from your spell. At any moment, the image of your face smiling at me, of your voice telling me you care, or of your hand in mine, may sudden1y fill my consciousness rudely pushing out all else.

Dan found in Mary a very bright, engaging, passionate and beautiful woman. He no longer felt lonely and dreamed of living forever with Mary. He thought that she would be a wonderful mother for his children (Mary had no children herself) and great professional colleague. Mary was immediately struck with Dan’s visions, his energy and his humor. Dan would be a great lover and someone who could lead her out of a stagnate life in upstate New York. After their week together, Mary drove back home to dissolve her seven year marriage and Dan flew back to California in order to prepare for Mary’s eventual move to the Golden State.

Mary did move to California one year later. Dan and Mary did get married. And Mary did do a wonderful job of helping to raise Dan’s two children. Yet, neither of these people were ever able to fulfill all of the needs that surfaced at that conference. Dan continued to be a visionary, yet this often drove Mary nuts, especially when they confronted the harsh realities of finance, child-rearing and home repairs. Mary has been a generous and loving step-mother, yet often resents the amount of time she must devote to the children.

Mary and Dan tried to work together in the consulting business, but found that Dan’s visions often conflicted with Mary’s practicality. Despite all the distortions that come with the first blush of infatuation and love, Mary was quite accurate in perceiving Dan’s enormous energy and she still loves and respects this energy. Dan similarly was accurate in perceiving Mary’s passion and intelligence. He continues to love and greatly admire these characteristics.

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About the Author

William Bergquist

William BergquistWilliam Bergquist, Ph.D. An international coach and consultant, professor in the fields of psychology, management and public administration, author of more than 45 books, and president of a graduate school of psychology. Dr. Bergquist consults on and writes about personal, group, organizational and societal transitions and transformations. His published work ranges from the personal transitions of men and women in their 50s and the struggles of men and women in recovering from strokes to the experiences of freedom among the men and women of Eastern Europe following the collapse of the Soviet Union. In recent years, Bergquist has focused on the processes of organizational coaching. He is coauthor with Agnes Mura of coachbook, co-founder of the International Journal of Coaching in Organizations and co-founder of the International Consortium for Coaching in Organizations. His graduate school (The Professional School of Psychology: www.psychology.edu) offers Master and Doctoral degrees in both clinical and organizational psychology to mature, accomplished adults.

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