Love Lingers Here: Intimate Enduring Relationships. X. Forming a Relationship
Delores and Bart shared a common vision, a deep sense of attunement with one another, a genuine respect and fondness for each other, and a remarkable ability to communicate openly and caringly with one another. All the while, they balanced this off with a clear presentation their own personal needs and an understanding of where their needs were and were not being met within the boundaries of their relationship. Theirs was no starry-eyed romance. It was a mutual love maintained by hard work.
Decide whether or not to establish an intimate relationship that involves some level of commitment.
Weather a recurring cycle of four stages throughout the life of the couple labeled as forming, storming, norming and performing.
Learn to roll with the inevitable disillusionment after the initial magic and intensity of the relationship wears thin.
Engage in forming activities when they confront a crisis that leads them to a new developmental task and places them on a new developmental plate.
Protect and even feed the deep fantasies each partner holds about their forming experiences.
Establish boundaries that allow each other to get on with their individual lives as well as allow the couple’s life to grow.
Experience simultaneous intense communication and profound guardedness during the forming of their relationship.
Clearly present their own personal needs within the boundaries of the relationship.