Love Lingers Here: Intimate Enduring Relationships. X. Forming a Relationship

Love Lingers Here: Intimate Enduring Relationships. X. Forming a Relationship

Delores and Bart shared a common vision, a deep sense of attunement with one another, a genuine respect and fondness for each other, and a remarkable ability to communicate openly and caringly with one another. All the while, they balanced this off with a clear presentation their own personal needs and an understanding of where their needs were and were not being met within the boundaries of their relationship. Theirs was no starry-eyed romance. It was a mutual love maintained by hard work.

Key Points

Enduring couples:

Decide whether or not to establish an intimate relationship that involves some level of commitment.

Weather a recurring cycle of four stages throughout the life of the couple labeled as forming, storming, norming and performing.

Learn to roll with the inevitable disillusionment after the initial magic and intensity of the relationship wears thin.

Engage in forming activities when they confront a crisis that leads them to a new developmental task and places them on a new developmental plate.

Protect and even feed the deep fantasies each partner holds about their forming experiences.

Establish boundaries that allow each other to get on with their individual lives as well as allow the couple’s life to grow.

Experience simultaneous intense communication and profound guardedness during the forming of their relationship.

Clearly present their own personal needs within the boundaries of the relationship.

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About the Author

William Bergquist

William BergquistWilliam Bergquist, Ph.D. An international coach and consultant, professor in the fields of psychology, management and public administration, author of more than 45 books, and president of a graduate school of psychology. Dr. Bergquist consults on and writes about personal, group, organizational and societal transitions and transformations. His published work ranges from the personal transitions of men and women in their 50s and the struggles of men and women in recovering from strokes to the experiences of freedom among the men and women of Eastern Europe following the collapse of the Soviet Union. In recent years, Bergquist has focused on the processes of organizational coaching. He is coauthor with Agnes Mura of coachbook, co-founder of the International Journal of Coaching in Organizations and co-founder of the International Consortium for Coaching in Organizations. His graduate school (The Professional School of Psychology: www.psychology.edu) offers Master and Doctoral degrees in both clinical and organizational psychology to mature, accomplished adults.

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